If you really knew me...

How would you complete the statement?

Ok, I know my posts have been a little Oprah-centric lately, but what can I say...she's got some thought-provoking stuff! She had a show this week with overweight teens and they did this workshop with their parents and had to complete the sentence, "If you really knew me, you'd know..." It was a powerful exercise for everyone and I was amazed at the courage they showed to stand up and complete the statement, not only in front of their parents, but in front of a bunch of cameras and basically the world.

I thought there were lots of ways that I could complete the statement. Many of them I wouldn't post here for the world to read (although, admittedly my world has a lot smaller reach than Oprah's), but I have been kicking around something for awhile. So here it goes...If you really knew me, you'd know that even though I'm Catholic, I don't really believe in the Catholic Church. I go to mass and most weeks it's a peaceful place where I feel connected to my faith and God. But there are weeks when the homily makes me want to get up and walk out of the place.

Two Sundays ago, I got to church a few minutes before mass and asked a couple if I could get around them to get into the middle of the pew. The guy --probably in his 50s-- moved, but the woman with him, told him just to scoot in and let me have the end. The guy was clearly irritated, understandably, I think. This week happened to be a letter writing campaign to oppose abortion (without exception) and I was dreading the postcards making their way down the pew toward me because I didn't want to tell this guy I've already annoyed that I didn't need a postcard. Mercifully, the postcards ran out before they got to me so I avoided the awkward moment, but I was so uncomfortable that I wondered if I would go back. After the homily, during the Profession of Faith, I thought about the words I was saying and realized I believed it...mostly. I keep getting stuck on the Catholic Church part. It's hard for me to support an organization that in practice, perpetuates and institutionalizes discrimination in a variety of ways. It's an old boys network that designed to protect it's privilege. Even though I struggle and wrestle with these issues regularly, I keep going back. And this Sunday, I went back and listened to a homily on forgiveness. I left at peace, wondering if the feeling was encouraging me to show forgiveness or if I was the one being forgiven.